I always acted “feminine”, but it never affected me until much later. I liked playing with my mom’s makeup, putting on my sister’s dresses, I grew my hair out in elementary school, etc.
So, a kid with an older sister likes to mimic what his sister does.
I began getting terrible depression when I entered third grade (presumably as the definition of “gender” was clearly defined at the time), to the point where I got suicide.
I went to a therapist at the time, where I said that I didn’t “fit in with my friends” and was depressed because of it. The therapist blew it off, and said I was just sleep-deprived. In late 3rd grade and through to the end of elementary school, I had terrible OCD. Once I entered middle school, my mom forced me to “stop acting so sensative”, and basically asked me to stop expressing my depressed feelings (I understand why she did it, but it only made me feel worse).
Depression, suicidal ideation, OCD, and a mother who seems to enforce the stereotypically “manly” treat of not being sensitive and not showing emotions. Many of these kids seem to have parents who try to enforce rigid gender stereotypes on their children. This theme is repeated later in his post, when he says that
Telling my dad isn’t an option either, because he has tried to raise me to be his manly son (signing me up for boy scouts, baseball, woodworking, wrestling) and telling him might just break his heart.
He writes about his friends:
My friends, who were only girls at the time (I didn’t like the classic “male” stuff) all abandoned me for other, female friends. I basically was alone until I made a few friends in seventh grade. Nothing came out of all this, and it felt like I would be stuck in this rut forever.
So, in addition to having a hard time emotionally, his female friends abandon him. What this kid needs is emotional support, and for someone to tell him that it’s ok to be a sensitive guy who shows empions. It’s ok to be a feminine guy who likes makeup and long hair. He desparately needs rolemodels who can show him this. What he gets instead is the “helpful” people on reddit’s r/asktransgender.
Cut to January 7th. I was reading about transgenderism on my laptop, in my normal depressive state. However, a major bout of even worse depression came over me, which I basically disregarded at the time. Later that night, however, I connected my experiences to those on the subreddits and connecting communities. I realized how much happier I would be living as female, but also realized that I couldn’t do anything about my condition.
A depressed kid with OCD, feeling abandoned by his female friends and pressured by parents to act “less sensitive”, browses the internet and “realizes” he would be happier “living as a female”. What does he think “living as a female” entails? He’s thirteen, has few friends and limited experience with the world. It took him just a month of exposure to reach this conclusion.
I realize that I’m 13, and it’s only been a few weeks, but I’m sure about this decision. I want to transition, and my time window is fleeting. I’m lost, what do I do?
So what advice does r/asktransgender have for this kid? Do they tell him it’s ok to be a feminine guy? Do they tell him it’s ok to be sensitive? Do they ask him why he thinks he’ll be happier as a female, or what he imagine “living as a female” means? No. They tell him this:
They tell him that his natural puberty (that he is probably just starting) is going to do “damage” to his body, and they tell him to use suicide as a method of extortion on his parents.
They tell him that he absolutely cannot wait, he needs estrogen as soon as possible, because otherwise testosterone will do damage to his body.
You cannot wait! Your body will be ruined!
“There is no right age to transition. The right time to do it is when they realize that they are transgender and have made the decision to do something about it.” – meaning that a 13 year old with depression, OCD, and suicidal ideation, who has known for a month that he will be “happier living as a female” should not be questioned in any way. They should be put on the fast track to hormones, with or without their parents’ consent or even knowledge.
This is what happens to young teens reading these communities.