When in doubt, transition

A poster on r/akstransgender is riddled with doubt. They don’t know whether transition is for them or not, and is questioning if maybe they just “want to be different”. Posters assure them that doubt is normal. Many of them doubt, but they choose to keep on transitioning anyway.

doubt1

The same poster makes another post, bringing up the thought that maybe they just want to be a part of a community, and that is what is motivating their desire to transition.

doubt2

If you want to be happy, you have to stop doubting. Doubt is “toxic”, according to this commenter.

doubt3

If you want to be trans, then you are trans, this commenter states.

doubt4

Taking hormones that can potentially make you sterile and having irreversible body modifications is compared to taking up a hobby, asking “why should transitioning be different”?

The poster makes a third post, asking if anyone has tried to put transitioning on hold to gain self-acceptance. The consensus is that this is a terrible idea.

doubt5

Suicide is brought up as a natural consequence of trying to deny the desire to transition:

doubt6

doubt7

The poster pretty much get bombarded with the idea that it’s not possible to change these desires, and that not acting on them will lead to wanting to commit suicide.

The poster then makes an interesting post a while later, stating that

i avoided the trans community (subreddits, some trans people i know, etc) for most of the day while playing a game and i’ve had the most fun i’ve had in months. it is now 24 hours later and I still have no urge to transition and my dysphoria is almost 0. i’m also imagining myself years into HRT and feeling dysphoric about having female features.

what the hell happened? do i just not know how to handle enjoying myself or have I been delusional this entire time?

Wow. Maybe staying off the internet is the solution? Maybe constantly obsessing over the idea of transitioning is unhealthy, maybe there is a simple way of feeling relief? The commenters disagree.

doubt8

“It never goes away unless you do something about it”, one commenter states. Never. And of course, “doing something about it” only means transitioning. The fact that taking an internet break seems to have helped the poster is dismissed. Again and again the idea is reinforced that this desire can never go away, that transitioning is the only solution, and that suicide is the consequence of not transitioning.

4 thoughts on “When in doubt, transition

  1. Even in ~1999 when I was deeply confused and trying to decide whether I should “transition” (M2T), the internet was full of insistent voices. I never asked questions on message boards but plenty of online M2Ts made it seem like everything would be all better, my emotional pain would go away if I followed my autogynephilic bliss and joined the trans cult.

    In my real life world, it wasn’t necessarily “encouragement” from anyone to start mimicking women full time (as I never socialized or allied with trannies), but the complete failure of my doctor, therapist, family and friends to say “STOP! Let’s talk this through, don’t do it, it’s bullshit.” Instead, the strongest “objection” I received from anyone was “Well… if you’re really sure… then great.”

    I’m not trying to blame my error on everyone else — it was my delusional decisions to operationalize the fantasy, and later mutilate my body — but I can tell you that I would have stopped and carefully re-considered what I was doing. Most likely I would have got a grip on myself, taken a larger perspective, raised my consciousness.

    Anyway, I’m super-grateful and relieved that eventually I snapped out of the gynocidal transgender delusion in 2013. Now trying to make amends in any way I can.

    Thanks for making this excellent blog.

    Like

  2. I’m trans, and I have my doubts all the time. The major thing that gets me back on the transition is looking at my past. I have always been very feminine, and all of my memorable dreams involve me being a female. My doubts only last a few minutes if not an hour at most. Even with my family and friends planting doubts in my head, I always overcome it. I’m sure simply wanting to be trans and being trans are two different things, but wanting to be trans and pushing through every obstacle you can to go through transition? I don’t take much heed in words on the internet for obvious reasons. I agree with doubt being toxic, it usually sends me into a depressive state that ripples through the day. To put it simply, if you want to be the opposite gender, and you’re willing to jump through hoops, then you’re trans.

    Like

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