From “Not Sure” To Sneaking Hormones Behind Parents’ Backs in a Week

A 17 year old posts to r/asktransgender to ask how he can tell for sure whether he’s transgender or not.

I have no idea where I stand on the whole “gender spectrum” if you can call it that. I know that the idea of transitioning is tied deeply to my sexuality, but I have no idea if it’s a fetish or something more. I tend to have no issue with the fact that I am male; in fact I would go so far as to say I enjoy being male, but whenever I contemplate sex or intimate relationships, I am either effeminate or female in my fantasies.

A teenage male having some confusing sexual fantasies, but having no issues with being male.

When I first found out about the term transgender around the age of 12 or 13, I did extensive research and found out that people who transition either [sic] tend to have better, more passable results. This resulted in me becoming extremely stressed because I felt rushed to make a decision.

This is a pervasive issue with many of the transgender groups on reddit and elsewhere – the preoccupation with “passing” as the opposite sex, resulting in questioners feeling pressured to start transitioning as early as possible. We’ve seen examples of it in earlier posts on this blog with the talk of testosterone “ruining” and doing “damage” to the bodies of the males who go through their natural puberties.

Ultimately, it culminated in me telling my parents I was trans, which I regretted immediately. Not only were they taken aback, but I felt like it all “got too real” too quickly and so I lied and said that I had only done it to get attention. Now I’m 17, no longer stressed about transitioning quickly, but I have no idea what to do. I know that given the opportunity to rewrite my life where I was a girl since birth, I would take it in a heartbeat.

What the poster refers to here is a question that is often posed to the people who are “questioning their identity” in these communities. The “magic button” question asks “if you could push a button and become the opposite sex, would you?”. The problem is that when you have no idea what being the opposite sex actually means (and how could anyone, especially a teenager), the answer isn’t really meaningful.

My worry is that I only ever think about it when I’m horny. After doing the deed, I immediately feel silly or ashamed about it, so I worry that it’s entirely fetishized (if that’s a word). I dunno, I also know that the longer I go from sexual release, the stronger the feelings become. Does anyone else have a similar story?

So. Male teenager has sexual fantasies about “being effeminate or female”. What advice does he get?


Among others, this. “A lot of us start off with sexual feelings”. And the “button” question again.


More sexual feelings beeing taken as a good reason to transition.


“Would I be happier if I was a girl? Yes”. Without any explanation of what “being a girl” means.


Again the same line we’ve seen before. If you want to be a girl, then you are one. There is nothing more to it.

Five days later, the OP posts again:

I’m in a position where I won’t be able to do anything drastic for at least a few years, and it’s killing me. Is there anything I could, say, add to my daily routine that would feminize or at least slow the frickin testosterone in my body. Diet, exercises, supplements, anything that a teenager with could acquire without suspicion?

Five days. That’s how fast he went from being fine with being male, to talking about testosterone killing him. Also note that he is going behind his family’s back with this.

Then three days later:


A few people tell him it’s not a good idea, but he also get this:



As well as advice about brands and dosages:


Notice again how insanely fast it goes. From a male with some sexual fantasies to asking about sneaking hormones without parental consent or medical supervision, in one week.

11 thoughts on “From “Not Sure” To Sneaking Hormones Behind Parents’ Backs in a Week

  1. As a womyn-born lesbian, I can say pretty conclusively that none of my sexual fantasies have ever involved me or any other woman in ‘sexy lingerie’. Nor do I give a flying f*uck about feminine beauty rituals – my legs are more often than not unshaved, my nails are never painted, I don’t wear constricting clothes and shoes.

    And yet I still have a vagina, I can still get pregnant, I’m still paid less than people with dicks. Astonishing.

    The regressive sexism in all these conceptions of womanhood is absolutely astounding. And it’s quite frankly offensive that usually when these guys are talking about imagining being a girl what they are talking about is something submissive in the extreme. I.e., they are talking about enacting patriarchal ideas of submissive femininity, that are incredibly toxic to the female-born.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I know I’m late to this article but damn.

    I remember when I thought I was transgender (not anymore, thank god), I quickly went from being uncomfortable with my genitals to wanting to mutilate them because the transgender community pressures you to accept that you’re transgender, even if you’re not sure.

    I know some people will think I’m lying but I have first-hand experience with the community that lines up perfectly with the poor kid in the OP.


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