“This hurt the man inside of me, but it was ok for the girl inside of me” . On “failing to conform” as a motive for transition

In earlier posts here on Transgenderreality, we have seen how there seems to be different motivations for the people who want to transition from one sex to the other. Some are extremely preoccupied with gender roles and stereotypes, while others have sexual motivations. Many have a mixture of both. Some are jealous of women.

Some aspiring transitioners tell stories of feeling like they are “failing a man”. They feel like they cannot possibly fulfill the stereotypes they associate with being a man, which apparently in their minds mean they might as well be the other sex. It is a mixture of being trapped in stereotypical views of masculinity and rampant sexism – after all, women are not failed men!

Let’s look at some examples:

This poster can’t get dates, and wants to be a beautiful woman so that he can “simulate myself in my head as a person that I would love”.


The commenters are clear in their diagnosis though: “You’re trans, you’re trans, jump in!”

malefailure4 malefailure5

Another poster states that he feels “more comfortable feeling girly and submissive than manly and dominant”.


Yet another poster says that he tried and failed to fit into the male role, and since he’s not a sports star or a bearded lumberjack, that means he’s not the man he’s “supposed to be”. However, the “girl” inside him is ok with being in a “beta role”, because apparently “girls” are just naturally submissive!


In this post, commenters discuss what it means to “fail as your assigned gender”

This commenter feels that because he likes talking about feelings and being connected, that means he can’t possibly be a man:


“I always sort of sucked at being a guy. I never really enjoyed any “male” activities (sports, cars, etc=.


Lastly, we have the somewhat rarer female poster, stating that she, never liked shopping for clothes, which women are supposed to do, so she’s a failed woman.


It’s interesting to note how rampant the gender stereotyopes are in all of these stories. If gender roles and gender stereotypes have nothing to do with transgenderism, then why are they so pervasive in these stories?

2 thoughts on ““This hurt the man inside of me, but it was ok for the girl inside of me” . On “failing to conform” as a motive for transition

  1. It’s amazing how many MTFs are this kind of “beta” male (to use mens’ own language)- a bit shy or nerdy, not popular at school, failed academically, out of shape, etc etc. They don’t compare themselves favourably to other men, but due to their male socialisation they have a deep seated sense of their superiority to women- so if they “become” women, surely they will be the Best Women Ever.

    Liked by 5 people

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s