“Just tell her to shut the fuck up”

One of the ways in which cultlike behavior is especially striking in the online trans community is the way they encourage people to cut off contact with friends and family that do not agree with 100% of their ideology.

This poster’s mother has pointed out that if he goes through with transition, he might end up looking like neither male nor female.What should he do? Slap her.

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Someone apparently disagrees, but their comment was deleted. We can still see the replies though:

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Slapping someone for questioning your decisions is self-defense.

Other suggestions: Tell her to “shut the fuck up”:

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Another poster posts a letter his father wrote him after he came out as transgender. The father expresses concerns that the transgender thoughts may have come from the poster’s therapist or from his friends, and warns him about making such a drastic change. He also tells the poster that he loves him and wants him to come home.

One commenter says that “it would be difficult to call that person […] a father”:

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Another says “doesn’t sound like a father to me”:

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They also call the father abusive and hateful:

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It’s not just reddit either. We see the same phenomenon in this tumblr post, where a young FtM who wants to have her breasts removed posts screenshots of text messages from her mother. The mother is asking her to reconsider such drastic changes to her body. These text messages are labeled “cruel”, “hateful”, “bullying”, and “toxic”.

This poster’s girlfriend wants him to try antidepressants before going on hormones, just in case his issues can be solved with something less invasive. That’s controlling, and you should dump her!!!

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In this post, people share things their families have said to them about transition. One commenter’s mother told him that being a woman is difficult and not something one can really escape. This viewpoint is seen as poisonous.

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In this post, the poster’s father is concerned about his son’s motivation for starting hormone therapy. A commenter jumps right in, advising him to bring up suicide as a bargaining chip for unquestioning acceptance. Note that the poster’s father was not cutting him off, not throwing him out, he was even driving him to his doctor’s appointments! But he was being less than 110% accepting of the need to undergo radical body modifications at the age of 18 as a way to happiness. Time to bring out the suicide threats!

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This poster wishes to come out as transgender to his parents, and has written a letter to his mother stating his intentions to get hormone therapy and “live life as a woman”.

Here comes the inevitable inflated made up suicide statistic, used as a bargaining chip:

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11 thoughts on ““Just tell her to shut the fuck up”

  1. Thank you for this post. The service you’re doing for kids, parents, and others who are daring to question the dominant trans paradigm is priceless–and will remain so for many years to come. I invite other parents of gender nonconforming girls in particular to visit my blog, which I envision as a support outpost in the jungle of transactivism we are all having to navigate right now.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I am reminded of advice columnists for body modification. They get whiny emails from teenagers and ask what to do or how to get around the rules,a nd the columnists invariably say “listen to your parents”. Its pretty much the opposite of the responses you see here. The black and white thinking I could understand if it were all teens talking to each other, but I know there are predatory adults thrown into the mix and it freaks me out. They know exactly what they are doing.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Transgender people are children, playing a fantasy game, and throwing a tantrum whenever someone refuses to participate and points out that the game is just that, fantasy.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. I am wary of people who treaten to kill themselves or get violent for not getting what they want. They know perfectly well they are loved or at least that the person they are threatening is righteous, since they threaten that person with a death. Such people come off as more abusive and narcissistic than anything else tbh. Or like someone else said: they are children, spoiled children.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Teens and tweens can be masters of manipulation and emotional extortion. Typically, those who are using suicide (not those who are ill and actually suicidal) as a bargaining chip do so in order to:
    1. get out of trouble
    2. get something they want
    3. explain away deplorable behavior.

    They do this to parents, teachers, and significant others. It can be frustrating but we must not see it as malevolent, rather it is a sign of immaturity and the self centeredness that kids have to grow out of. And most of them do grow out of it.

    What IS malevolent is when adults manipulate and misguide children.

    Encouraging kids to threaten suicide, insisting that trans and suicide go hand in hand, and that there is NO OTHER WAY (because no hrt and surgery RIGHT NOW will cause death by way of suicide) is reckless disregard for human life. Kids are highly impressionable. Just mentioning suicide to them could cause suicidal ideation. This could lead to attempts which could result in death. Intentionally or not. No kid who actually died from a suicide attempt ever came back to say whether or not he/she meant to die.

    Anyone over the age of 18 who suggets suicide as a tactic to a minor child should be subject to criminal prosecution. It is depraved indifference to their mental and physical wellbeing .

    This is such a gross form of child exploitation that the cause, Trans Rights and Acceptance is totally lost.

    Please, parents, seek help in getting your kids off the internet!

    Liked by 5 people

    • gchild: “Anyone over the age of 18 who suggests suicide as a tactic to a minor child should be subject to criminal prosecution. It is depraved indifference to their mental and physical wellbeing.”

      I totally agree, and wonder where the law in various states stands on this.

      Liked by 2 people

  6. @Dogtowner, I looked into this.

    The only thing I could find were assisted suicides laws which contain relevent language. If the state bans assisted suicide, they have proceedures to hold doctors accountable for language and behaviors that fall under that umbrella–including suggesting it as a treatment option to end suffering. The ethics, laws, and language here may be applied to those trans adults who systematically suggest to kids that suicide is a viable option for ending gender disphoria. We could certainly borrow the lanuage at least.

    Heres the thing, we KNOW that media influences kids attitudes towards suicide. Journalists are scrambling to find guidelines on how to report on child/teen suicide based on what research shows.

    This is why it is so reckless to suggest, glorify, and casually equate trans with suicide online to children as in the response above:

    “Are you ready to him about the possibility of suicide?”

    Another aspect of this is that the trans dogma and narrative is so slippery, before we can even articulate exactly why it is dangerous (disentangle ourselves from the double think/speak), they reframe those dangerous aspects with new rules and wording that is utterly confounding. And, it always turns out to be yet another way to say “shut the fuck up!”

    They should know better. But they are too caught up in the craze themselves.

    Like

  7. Threatening suicide to get your way is an abusive tactic that is quite common among abusive males. I think that children and teens are definitely pushed into this mentality by predatory adults and all the “if you don’t transition right away, you will commit suicide” narratives. No mention that the post-transition suicide rate is still high. It’s not because of minority stress, but because the underlying issues aren’t fixed.

    There are other websites, not necessarily related to trans, that glorify suicide and use euphemisms like “Bob has [moved on/decided to leave]” when talking about it. Most people only had dial-up at home when I was a teen, that is if their parents could afford a computer. But, some other teens I knew with emotional problems and/or a dysfunctional home life would run into adults who would suggest threatening suicide to get your way, or actually following through with it. It’s not a new thing, but it’s more widespread and accepted.

    Yeah, and none of those people are really your friends. A lot of them are other confused young people, but there is always one or more (usually male) adult puppet masters running the show. It’s very disturbing. Even though these people are angry at their parents, the posts show that their parents clearly have their best interests at heart and want to make sure their kids won’t make an irreversible mistake that they will regret latter.

    Like

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