“It’s like there’s this whole part of me designed to enable me to dress myself well”

In this post we are going to look at some more examples of people wanting to transition to live as the opposite sex, whose desires seem to be rooted in sexist and old-fashioned stereotypes.

First out is this person, who loves “checking out stylish clothes”, and cries at movies. This must mean they are a woman, because only women do such things.

stereotype1

In another comment, the same person states that the reason for wanting a female body is that “if I actually had a female body, I could just relax and be myself”, which seems to involve crying and looking at men’s bodies. This is grossly sexist and homophobic. Why does nobody tell this poster that you don’t need a female body to cry and check out men?

stereotype2

This poster has been “feeling like a woman” for a month, which apparently has a lot to do with loving “pink frilly things and soft furry blankets”:

stereotype3

Do memories make more sense?” asks this post, wherein people share memories from their childhood that “should have been a cue” about their gender. The post gets a lot of comments,

Trying on your mother’s heels, trying on your sister’s clothes, loving girl’s clothes, hating sports :

stereotype4

Note the sexism in the following exchange. Surely boys aren’t capable of enjoying a book about a girl?

stereotype5

Wanting to be a princess:

stereotype6

Dressing up as a female character from a fairy tale:

stereotype7

Having female friends, having a particular taste in books and tv shows:

sterotypes8

This poster worries that taking estrogen will lead to a decreased juggling ability. A commenter explains that taking female hormones has had side effects like decreased spatial processing, and a need to do things “gently and gracefully”. Oh, and being the best most likely won’t be as important to you anymore. Cause, you know, women are just naturally less ambitious.

sterotypes9

Fairly sure I’m MTF, need advice & help avoiding pitfalls, is the title of a long post, relevant features in bold:

I’ve had low-level doubts my entire life, which were much more significant starting in my teenage years, as I found I really preferred to think of sexuality as a woman. I assumed it was just a fetish and reassured myself out of it, but it was a worry for many years. (…)

Thinking of sexuality as a woman? What does this mean?

I’ve always been much, much closer with girls than with boys, with only one exception. I had one close childhood friend who was male, and in retrospect, I was usually the feminine one in the relationship. I remember giving him massages, actually, although I didn’t think anything of it at the time (I’d learned from my aunt). When the kids in my neighborhood got together and had ‘boy vs girl’ wars, I always found myself defecting back and forth, but ultimately ending up on the girls’ side.

I was raised more-or-less exclusively by my mother. My parents are together, but my father is very ineffectual.

I have, ever since I was very little, felt strong affection and empathy, but had a great deal of trouble allowing myself to express them. I realized this as a conscious problem around age 15, and earlier last year, at age 20, I managed to take down those emotional walls for one week. Being able to do so was, in my mind, the biggest accomplishment of the year.

Having female friends and  feeling empathy. Is this not something boys can do and have?

I have very strong internal gender roles. One set of things guys do, one set of things girls do. I have no doubt at least part of my feeling is that I really want to do things in the latter category.

I have a bit of scarring downstairs, which I assume is from being circumcised, but as a young child I was absolutely convinced that I’d had girl parts and they’d been sewn up. I didn’t really think anything of it, mind you, but the thought stayed for many years.

I take on some feminine mannerisms naturally. My first day of high school, after being homeschooled for some years, I found myself clutching my books to my chest with my arms around them. After a week of this, my mom pointed out that it was a very feminine gesture, which I honestly didn’t know, and I trained myself not to. Similarly, I’ve always naturally crossed my legs sitting down, which I didn’t know was a feminine pose until literally this last week. In fact, as I type this, I’m sitting in bed legs crossed, right over left.

Having “female mannerisms”.

I have not recognizably felt dysphoria towards my body. I don’t have a particularly good body image, though. I’m somewhat overweight, and not at all masculine (I strongly suspect naturally low testosterone), and have often worried about being ‘masculine enough’ in appearance.

Now, what got me seriously questioning was recent. About a year ago, a girl I’d known online and been rather fond of turned out to be MTF trans, a fact that surprised me. I’d always had the (in retrospect rather bigoted) view that you could always “tell”, and I was amazed that she could be…well, cute. Then more recently, someone else in the same community came out as trans, and I was really fascinated with the idea. I started reading through all their posts, trying to learn anything I could about it. One evening, the first girl mentioned that she’d found a great chat of TG folks, and as I was bored and curious, I went and lurked there. Once she left, I came out and talked to everyone, and after six hours of chatting with them they agreed I was probably MTF. I remember sort of exaggerating some things that first night – I had a conclusion I wanted them to get to, and I can’t tell even in retrospect if that was just because it’s a kink for me too.

I do definitely have masculine feelings sometimes. I feel a rush of conquest when I hike a long distance – I don’t have a car, so I have to walk to a fairly distant grocery store and bring food back, and I have the mental sensation of hunting as I do it. Similarly, I’m generally direct and rational, and until recently had very little patience for personal drama. I do mentally use the term ‘man’ to describe myself sometimes, even when I feel feminine, perhaps just out of habit.

(…)

One of the people in the channel ended up sending me a padded bra, which arrived five days ago. I more or less have not taken it off since – I grin at myself in the mirror wearing it, I wake up in a good mood because it’s on. I love wearing a shirt over it and seeing and feeling how it fills it out, and I feel almost naked without it now. I’d realllllllly like to get a full outfit, judging by how this has felt.

I find my urges fade for a brief time post-orgasm: I feel awkward in the bra and take it off for a while, my emotions fade for a bit, and I generally feel like ‘old me’. This worries me. It lasts for around an hour.

Even more ridiculous stereotypes about what it means to be a man or a woman (personal drama? Hunting? Being direct and rational?). And of course, the oft-seen sexual component, where the “urges” to be a woman goes away after masturbation.

5 thoughts on ““It’s like there’s this whole part of me designed to enable me to dress myself well”

  1. I don’t think it’s funny. These guys have gotten the message that men don’t have emotions and don’t feel empathy, especially not towards girls.

    Also all men must be ugly and not dressed well and not have nerves and not enjoy cute things?

    Basically men should just be angry robots who compete a lot and hunt groceries (lawd), not complex humans. And if you aren’t a “real” man, you’re automatically a woman. Nope. Your a man, dude.

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  2. “I find my urges fade for a brief time post-orgasm: I feel awkward in the bra and take it off for a while, my emotions fade for a bit, and I generally feel like ‘old me’. This worries me. It lasts for around an hour.”

    This is a damn shame.

    So much of trans is sex: sex roles, sexuality, sexual excitement, sexual fetishism, sexual obbssession, and sexual perversion. That is why trans, porn, and prostitution are thick as theives.

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  3. These are common patterns:

    Possible MtF: “I like being a man. I like to drink beer with my friends. I like to have sex as a man and like my penis”
    Community:”You are in denial/a woman can drink beer too and have a penis and have heterosexual sex with other women!”

    Possible MtF: “I don’t like to drink beer with my male friends and have trouble finding common ground. I’m anxious about masculine roles and always felt different”
    Community: “You are trans, trust me, I’ve been there. No one cis feels different, because their gender matches”

    Feminism plays for the MtF people as they can let theirselves be really feminine in the form of “being women”, and still as masculine as they want. Usually they are not much connected with what comes naturally to them and see themselves only as feminine, or “essentially feminine”. All masculine is attributed to social conditioning and all feminine to biological facts. The questioning person is hurled into the most unreasonable polar opposite choice because of this manipulation and denial, and may not even try to be who he is before having hormones. This is because of deeply internalized rules that block them from feeling feminine in their male identity. If their brain was starving of estrogen, they could take the estrogen and conclude the problem solved. If their brain didn’t like testosterone, they could block it – problem solved. They could be men whose brain need estrogen and don’t like testosterone. But really it’s not about that, but about feeling feminine associated feelings and letting yourself be feminine.

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