“Have you ever identified more with female characters than male ones?”

It’s time for yet another post full of examples of how trans people online use stereotypes as the basis of deciding to be trans. It’s interesting to see that even though proponents of gender identity publicly stress that gender identity has nothing to do with gender stereotypes, when trans people talk among themselves online, their narratives are usually absolutely steeped with the most egregious stereotypes. There is a huge mismatch between the official gender identity doctrine and what trans people tell themselves about their gender identities. Let’s have a look.

First, a person who, upon transitioning to female, finds themselves fitting “nice and snug in a submissive role”.

“nice and snug in a submissive role”

Then there is this post, entitled What moments make you look back and think ‘How the hell didn’t I realise I’m trans?,  (archive link) which starts out like this:

loving the princess role

Enjoying to play a female role must mean you’re transgender, boys can’t just like playing female characters!

hating stereotypes
hating gender stereotypes

If you hate stereotypes, you’re trans. Regular ol’ guys can’t hate stereotypes! They can’t enjoy playing with female relatives either.

loving theater

Loving theater must mean you’re actually a girl.

girl music
“A girl’ collection”

Likewise, certain types of music is only allowed for girls to like.

Then there is a post entitled If I think about being a girl am I transgender? (archive link), in which a poster wants to know if thinking about being a girl means one is a girl. One commenter helpfully posts a list of “signs” of being trans:

“were you a really big feminist?”

Signs of transness includes a desire to wear women’s clothing and being a feminist.

What does being a man mean to you? What do you like about being a man? asks a poster in r/ftm (archive link)

act like a woman
“the outside matches the inside”

Note first that this commenter doesn’t want to “act like a woman”. it is not explained what acting what a woman is, but it implies that there is some way that women acts, and that in order to avoid acting this way, you need to become a man. Choosing to not act this way is apparently not an option.

Finally, pay attention to the statement in this screenshot that the outside should “match” the inside. So there are apparently certain “insides” (personalities, presumably), that only match certain bodies. This is not a particularly progressive idea; the thought that only men or only women can have certain personality types is usually regarded as old-fashioned and regressive. But when trans people say it, nobody dares disagree apparently.

“I hide my meds in my saxophone case” – self medding advice to minors

On reddit, a website where kids as young as 13 are allowed, and many are even younger, anonymous people, often adults, give minors tips on how to obtain prescription-only medication illegally, and hide it from their parents.

In this post, a 15 year old asks for advice, saying that “I have came out to my mom and she does not support me and thinks I should just stay how I was born.”

estrogen is cheap
“estradiol is pretty cheap”

“Estradiol is pretty cheap,” chimes in a 44 year old adult, and provides a link to various online pharmacies where this medication can be bought. Estradiol is a medication that can increase your risk of blood clots, stroke, or heart attack, especially if you have diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol or triglycerides, if you smoke, or if you are overweight. It is also recommended to get blood tests and physical check-ups while taking this medication, none of which a 15 year old would necessarily have access to.

In this post, reddit users are giving tips to minors on how to hide from their parents that they are taking DIY hormones (“do it yourself”, meaning without a prescription) (archived post)

DIY tips
tips for minors who wish to take prescription medications behind their parents’ backs

The advice comes complete with dosage advice.

In this post, a 16 year old is uncertain about starting hormones:

I am 16 and not getting any younger. I would rather get hormones sooner than later if I’m going to get them at all, and I don’t feel equipped to make that decision at 16. However, I am worried that I won’t be able to make the decision until post-puberty, which would be disadvantageous.

What is the way out of this dilemma?

One of the replies is this:

why not

“Why would you not be equipped to make that decision at 16?” this poster asks, and continues:

you wont regret it
“It’s almost completely certain you won’t regret it”

Another poster chimes in:

youll pass worse
“you’ll pass worse”

Finally, the poster is convinced:

getting aas
“I’m going to go bother some people about AAs”

The commenters have successfully convinced this young teen to get anti-androgens. The most common one is spirolactone, which can have side effects like  uneven heart rate, severe skin reactions, numbness, muscle weakness, vomiting, shallow breathing and confusion.

The dangers of stereotypes

We’ve had a few of these posts here at Transgenderreality, but it seems like it’s impossible to run out of material, so it’s time for another one. People who want to transition to live as the other sex very often have a narrow view of what this means, they seem to look at people as collections of stereotypes, and if you fit one set of stereotypes, that must be the category for you.

Here’s an article about a teenager who identifies as a girl.

“I had always known something was different,” she said in an interview Tuesday afternoon. “I was always more feminine and always wanted to play dress-up. When I was 5 I knew I was supposed to be a girl.”

Because boys can’t play dress-up, apparently.

This article offers advice on how to “feel like a girl”.

I grew my hair!

This was the easiest and cheapest way to progress in my transition because it cost no money at all and I could do it without even thinking. (Of course, I realize that not every girl wants to grow out her hair, but this was something I wanted to do.) Caring for your hair with nourishing treatments and oils can help to make it grow, but the best part about this extra hair care is that I was able to give myself some self-care, too.

“Growing long hair made me feel like a girl, even though not all girls have long hair, but when I do it, it makes me feel girly!”

I practiced wearing makeup

Firstly, let me say that no, you don’t have to wear makeup to be a woman. But if makeup is something you want to use, it does take some practice! I’ve realized that this waiting time is the perfect opportunity to perfect the craft. One way to start learning the basics is to look up “morning routine” videos, where makeup artists show you their daily makeup routine.

“I wore makeup to feel more like a woman, even though not all women wear makeup, but when I do it, it makes me feel like a woman”

It couldn’t be more clear that the author is transitioning to a stereotypical view of what women are. Even acknowledging that not all women have long hair or wear makeup. So why exactly does having these things make him feel more “girly”? Why doesn’t short hair make him feel “girlier”?

This article tells the story of a child who liked to imitate his mother and play with barbies.

“I would see her doing little things like tightening her shirt around her waist and calling it a dress and saying ‘Mommy I’m wearing a dress just like you,’ or wearing my high heels around the house,” Gilleylen said.

Lots of kids dabble in dress-up, even boys, which is how Mazy appeared at birth and was being raised. But for Mazy,  it was real.

So this child is like lots of kids, only different because for her, it’s different. Somehow.

Mazy felt she couldn’t tell anyone at school about her dozens of dolls, including a rotating cast of Barbies, with their assorted clothes, cars and a multi-story house. She didn’t dare mention her female superhero costumes.

This is sad. So tightly are children being gender-policed now, that a male child has to be ashamed of liking things that are “for girls”.

This article tells the story of a child who at 2 years old felt that his sense of himself didn’t match his physical body”, which is extraordinary, as most 2 year olds:

  • are not potty trained
  • do not understand the difference between men and women
  • do not understand that your physical characteristics are permanent.

As a toddler, Jacqueline started insisting she was a boy and rejecting any clothing, colors or accessories typically associated with girls. Sarah and Pete started calling their child Jackie — a gender neutral name — and purchasing girl’s clothing in gender-neutral colors. That still didn’t satisfy Jacq Kai, who felt anxious and would often cry at his reflection in the mirror because he looked too much like a girl. Allowing Jacq Kai to get his hair cut like a boy when he was about 3-and-a-half years old was a milestone for the family and left him “jubilant,” Sarah said.

There are tell-tale signs of strict gender policing by the supposedly progressive family here. “Girl’s clothing in gender-neutral colors”? Why not get the kid “boy clothes”, and make sure to state in no uncertain terms that clothes and colors don’t really have a “gender”? “Allowing” the kid a short hair cut after what seems like quite a struggle? It’s hair. Let the kid cut it.

The article talks about the kid being allowed to “express his true identity”, which presumably means being allowed to wear clothes and playing with toys associated with the sex this kid wants to be (it couldn’t really mean anything else, since two year olds aren’t being medically transitioned since they are nowhere near reaching puberty). Which is great! All kids should be able to do this, since gender roles are bad and limiting. However, the parents should be doing this *anyway*. They should tell this kid she can do what she want, wear what she wants, but that she is female and that she will be a woman when she grows up – a woman with short hair and masculine clothes if that’s what she wants, but still a woman.

What they are doing now, is actually *reinforcing* the view that certain things, behaviors, toys etc are associated with your sex. They are telling this kid that now that she’s a boy, she can do these things that she couldn’t previously. And what’s more, they’re setting this kid up for massive disappointment when puberty hits and it turns out that your biological sex isn’t changeable like a hairstyle is.

There will be more of these posts forthcoming.