Lie to them to get HRT. Give them the good old narrative

Previous posts on this blog have revealed what goes on out in the open on reddit’s community “asktransgender”: Young teens being talked into going on hormones, and getting tips on how to obtain these medications illegally:

A magical pill to bypass suffering: how teens are persuaded to start transition

“You’ll be miserable and unhappy with your body for the rest of your life”

“OMFG I HAVE WAITED SO LONG”. Teen goes from questioning to taking hormones in three months

“I’ve given plenty of trans girls shots from my supply”: creepy behavior in the trans community

Today they are at it again. A 14 year old, who came out as transgender in November last year is being taken to a gender clinic and wants to get on hormones as soon as possible. (archived link)

So I’m having my appointment at a transgender clinic tomorrow, and I realized I’m sick of waiting. I just want to get on HRT asap. But I’m worried that they might make me wait longer is I say something that is not very “trans”. So should I be completely honest with them about how I feel, or give them a few of the answers they want? I mean it’s a good clinic, they understand transgender people pretty darn well, but I’m getting impatient. I just want to start HRT asap.

One person advises honesty. The rest?

shade the truth
“shade the truth a bit”
get a story ready in your head
“Get a story ready in your head”
lie if you think it will help
“lie if you think it will help”

lie to them
“Lie to the[m] to get HRT. Give them the good old narrative”
So there we have it. The kid has just turned 14, and adults are giving advice on how to act in order to get on hormones as soon as possible.

Parents whose children think they are trans: Get them off reddit. It’s toxic for them.

 

Like to wear comfortable clothes? Dislike sexism? Change your sex!

A 19 year old woman posts to reddit’s community “asktransgender”:

So I’m 19 right now and identify as female. Ever since I was younger I’ve always leaned towards the masculine side. I’ve always worn boys clothes, for as long as I can remember. When I was maybe 10/11, I would wear boxers and I felt very comfortable in them. When I reached 7th or 8th grade, I tried to start wearing female clothes. I never felt comfortable in girls underwear or shirts (I do usually wear girls jeans). When I was in 5th grade (elementary school) or maybe a little younger, I tried pushing for my parents to start calling me Joey after one of my favorite tv characters.

Fast forward a few years and I’ve recently come out as gay. I always wear boys clothes. I got a haircut and feel ten times more comfortable with it. She/her pronouns sort of make me uncomfortable, but I get embarrassed when people say he/him infront of my friends. I really lean towards the name Nick. I’ve always been big into video games and I’ll always make a male character, etc.

Recently I’ve been introduced to the Trans community and I’ve been watching a lot of videos on transitions so now I’m sort of confused with everything.

Some replies:

your experience is typical
“Your experience sounds fairly typical of trans people”

And:

textbook trans
“You’re textbook trans”

Preferring comfortable clothes and short hair means you should change your sex.

Another poster asks “am I actually a man?“:

I was assigned female at birth. However, I have never been comfortable living as a woman. Even as a young child, like in kindergarten, I hated wearing dresses and would throw tantrums if forced to. Eventually my parents stopped. My first boyfriend called me “secret Asian man” in fact because I have so many masculine traits– I am good at science and math, I like driving, I like fixing things, I like video games and am extremely good at them (better than most men), I play a very masculine instrument, etc, etc.

If you didn’t see me or know my name but were just told about me and my interests, you would think I was a man. I also HATE how being a woman is so limiting. I have been subjected to sexist discrimination, harassment, assault, the lot of it. I am fucking sick to death of it and I KNOW if I had been assigned male at birth, I would never have experienced it. I just lost a very good job because my boss wanted to sleep with me and I rebuffed him, which caused him to retaliate against me and when I complained, I was fired. I HATE living in this female body and I want a male one. I am just scared of coming out, honestly. Scared of what my family and friends will say. I feel like I would have to move to another city to truly be able to start over.

Hating dresses, being good at science, and playing a “very masculine instrument”  – as if no women can do these things.

Top rated reply:

not cis
“trans with doubts doesn’t equal cis”

The poster further explains that part of what makes her dislike “being a woman” is the harassment she received for having unshaven legs:

leg hair

When disliking harassment and preferring certain styles of hair and clothing is making people “question their gender” to the extent that they ask other people for advice about it, that says a lot about the narrow gender roles people are feeling confined by. Furthermore, it seems to be a wide consensus in the online trans communities that the act of questioning your gender itself means that you are trans. This sentiment is very pervasive.

Transcript from 00.30: “so first off, if you guys questioned it, um, you probably are transgender”

few and far between
Enter a caption

According to the poster in the screenshot above, if you’re questioning that very likely means you are trans.

cis people don't question
“cis people don’t usually question their gender”

On the webpage of a “gender therapist”, the following advice is offered:

The first thing I want to talk about is the question of “How do I know I’m transgender?” being very, very big in and of itself and breaking it down in bits and pieces.

Let’s talk about how, if someone is even asking themselves that question it probably means, at the very least, they are feeling uncomfortable with their current gender role. So more than likely, the answer to that question (“Am I transgender?”) is “yes.”

If people are even asking the question, it means that more than likely they are transgender, according to this gender therapist.

We have seen this in previous posts here as well.

So we have people growing up steeped in narrow gender roles, questioning their gender, and being told that the very act of questioning means they are transgender. Combine that with medical transition many places being trivially easy to obtain, and you have a situation where people are doing irreversible changes to their bodies on very flimsy grounds.

questioning to full time in 9 montsh
“questioning to fulltime in 9 months”
fast
“from questioning in may to hrt in september”
super fast
“why wait?”
month and a half
“got my prescription within a month and a half”
medium fast
“questioning in June, Spiro and E in january”

Sexist gender roles + confused young people + the notion that questioning means you are trans + easy access to hormones = a rush of people modifying their bodies in rather extreme ways in order to fit in.

Feeling disgust with gender norms and male privilege? Get a double mastectomy!

We have seen many examples of how young males get sucked into feeling dissatisfaction with their bodies when taking part in online transgender communities. Often this dissatisfaction comes from liking things our culture traditionally deems to be “for girls”, other times there is a sexual element to the desire to change sex.

For young girls who aspire to transition, the motive much more often seems to be a pervasive unease with the strictness of the female gender roles. It’s like these girls and young women are aware of the fact that men have it better in a lot of areas, but they don’t know what to do about it. We see this clearly in this post, where the poster talks about her unease, even hatred of her female body:

I feel a deep discontentment with my female body 95% of the time.

I think some aspects are quite amazing (like menstrual cycles and the potential to give birth!), but that doesn’t detract from my general unease and disgust with femaleness to the degree that I feel pinned down by it (or trapped in it!).

Feeling some ambivalence about your body is certainly not unusual. Not only because of failing to meet arbitrary standards of beauty, but also because of the social significance our bodies have.

When I look in the mirror, I can’t accept what I see. I hate my hips and butt and breasts. My thighs just seem generally shapeless. Overall, I have a weaker composition than most men. I hate how “soft” I look. My facial features are soft as well and I am drawn to sharper, deeper features (otherwise more masculine ones).

One part bog-standard “hating your thighs”, something females have been conditioned to do literally since they were babies:

picture of girl's onsie that says "I hate my thighs" and a boy's onsie that says "i'm super"

I have had an obsession with men from a young age. I have always picked up on their privilege. To me, they seemed more free, more successful, funnier, braver, more outrageous, more lighthearted, and less complicated than women. I looked at men and I saw power and movement, joy and grounding. I looked at women and saw sacrifice, pain, accommodation and anxiety. Men just seemed like the half that had it figured out.

And one part internalized sexism.

Obviously looking at that now, I realize there are so many things that have traditionally held women down and still do. I hate the expectation of some effervescent personality, of that need to feel accommodating, of acting stupid when you’re not. Of women congregating over things like consumption and trends, instead of more enduring things. (Again, this is what’s reflected in the media, but it’s also experienced. I simply did not fit in with girls my age, nor do I feel I fit in with college-aged women today. I find their interactions surprisingly vapid, maybe even scripted, and dissatisfying.)

She hates the expectations that are put on women, yet she is also quick to dismiss women as “vapid” and their interactions dissatisfying.

Does this make any sense? Is my disgust with gender norms bleeding into how I literally perceive the female figure?

The first reply, the very first reply, is this:

sexist

If you are dissatisfied with the sexist expectations of society, you should have your breasts surgically removed, because obviously you are not a real woman.

The OP gets more level-headed advice further down in the thread, thankfully. We here at transgenderreality hope she can learn to become at ease with her female body in a sexist world. And let’s hope young women stop looking for advice about these things in places that are blatantly sexist.

(archived link)

“My problem is: I dont’ have dysphoria”. On wanting to be transgender

A poster asks r/asktransgender: How do you know you’re transgender? (archived link)

Growing up, I was always a ‘tomboy’. I liked to play with boys, playing soccer, with legos and remote controlled cars. I liked to wear boy’s clothes, baggy pants and shirts, and hated wearing skirts and dresses. Since I was about 11 I had my hair cut short.

It’s the same obsession with gender stereotypes that we’re seen before, but this time from the female perspective. Rejecting the female gender role is seen as unusual, and potentially signifying something more than just not liking the female gender role.

During the years from about 11-15/16, I honestly wished I was a boy. I wanted to be a boy, it made me happy when people accidentally gendered me as a boy, (though it upset me when people purposely called me a boy to be mean). I hit puberty, and unfortunately my breasts grew to be pretty damn large. (I was forever hunched over, wearing baggy shirts etc. although I have never consciously felt ashamed of them in a dysphoric sense.)

This experience is incredibly common, but it seems like nobody is talking to young girls today about this, except in the context of trans issues. Just as teens are apparently sorely lacking in role models that don’t conform to gender roles.

Flash forward to me aged 19-21. I was never really comfortable with being female. I like the idea of femaleness and femininity, but.. I prefer it on other people. I still can’t be bothered with make-up, never have been. I love baggy shorts and snapback caps and basketball shirts, and more than that I love suits.

Note how she claims to not be comfortable with “being female”, but what she’s really saying in this paragraph is that she is uncomfortable with make-up and that she prefers clothes more commonly worn by males,

Now. Today is transgender day of visibility, and all over I’ve seen wonderful pictures of men transitioning, you know, those time-lapse photo sets, pre-t, 6 months etc. They’re the best thing I’ve ever seen, and.. I want that. I want to go from whatever it is I am now to being as happy and attractive and confident as they are.

This obsessing over “timelines” and youtube videos is a staple of these stories, and if you pay attention when browsing places like r/asktransgender you will see them a lot. Person being happy with their sex goes on week-long binge of obsessively consuming trans stories, a few weeks later they are feeling awful about their bodies and want to transition.

My problem is: I don’t have dysphoria. I look at my female body and I see just that, a female body. I don’t -feel- like a man the way some transgender people have reported that they always KNEW they were male inside. I don’t look at my female body with disgust, but I know that I would rather be skinny and flat and a boy.

Not feeling distress over your body is apparently a bad thing now. What is left unsaid here is that it seems like the poster wants a justification for her non-compliance to gender roles. It’s as if she thinks that if she’s trans, then she has an explanation for why she doesn’t like make-up and prefers to wear suits. It might seem unfathomable to readers with a traditionally feminist perspective: what happened to just being yourself? But like we have seen several times, there are many young people who think that liking things associated with the oppsite sex is somehow Very Significant.

But I’m ambivalent about being female. I refer to myself with female pronouns because it’s easier than explaining when I don’t exactly know who I am. I don’t mind having a vagina. Sure, I’d rather have a fully functioning penis, (as though I had been born male,) but I’m okay with having a vagina.So I suppose my question is.. I’m not dysphoric. I’m not disgusted with my female body, I’d just really rather it was a male body. Could I be transgender, or is this something else entirely?

This attitude of contemplating having different body parts from the ones you were born with is another recurring thing in these stories. It’s not unusual for people to be told “would you rather have a male/female body? In that case, you’re trans”. There is no reflection over the fact that our bodies have social meaning, and that the feelings we have about them do not just come from nowhere. Especially for females: the consequences of having a vagina are sometimes very unpleasant, from risk of being raped, to lack of reproductive autonomy, to earning less than males. There is also little acknowledgement of the fact that changing sex is not physically possible, and body parts are not things on a shelf we can pick and chosse from.

And as expected, the comments:

female3

You might say you’re fine with your body and you don’t have dysphoria, but you do actually have dysphoria.

female5

This is a common sentiment but it never gets called out on how bizarre it is. Wanting to control how the world sees you in a way that majorly conflicts with physical reality is a desire that is bound to create a lot of distress.

female4

Note how this poster talks about the same phenomenon mentioned above: she was feeling fine but envied men slightly, then got exposed to a lot of transition material online, and then wanted to change her body irreversibly.

Gender dysphoria can even be induced: (archived link)

female6

This poster learned to feel dysphoric over her body, and now her mother is going to let her take testosterone.

female7

It’s ok though, you can totally change your mind later. Except for the part where testosterone causes irreversible changes to female bodies, including the risk of sterility, permanent hair growth, permanently lowered voice, and increased risk of heart disease.

Changes to Comment Policy

From now on, comments by transgender people that do not take a stance critical of “brain sex” theory and current trans dogma will be rejected and not published.

Women and men (and especially women, at an alarming rate) are being barred from institutions and speaking engagements and employment because they are openly skeptical of aspects of the transgender narrative. Transgender people certainly refuse to give people with our perspective “equal time” in their spaces.  This space is to document what exists in the transgender forums in some parts of the internet.  We’re not here to have this behavior handwaved away.  We’re not interested in the trans party line on brain studies supposedly proving that “brain sex” is real, that “gender identity” is inborn, why you think biological sex is a spectrum, or anything else.  If you want to discuss those topics, find a forum more willing to accept your commentary–this is not one of them.

This is a place for us to document the cult-like tactics of the trans community, the abusers being shielded by the trans community to further their politics, and the recruitment tactics of young people into transgender beliefs.  If you’re not here to discuss these issues, comment on a different blog.

–TransgenderReality

Ten year old gets transition advice: “This is your identity and your life literally depends on this”

A ten year old boy (self-proclaimed of course, we have no way of knowing if that’s his actual age) posts to r/asktransgender:

Let’s cut straight to the point. I’m a 10 year old who is biologically male who has depression and has attempted suicide before. I don’t know if this is gender dysphoria but I always feel more comfortable doing things with females and I prefer the male body much over female, but I’d like to be socially accepted as a female. I always feel an urge to do the same thing the girls are doing when it’s just weird for me to do it. I’ve been highly attracted to a girl I know but only after I got to know her over about a year. When I see a picture of a trans male I think he looks attractive but I wouldn’t go out with out him until I got to know him, so does this make me bisexual or demisexual? Is this gender dysphoria? I feel really sad with my social position as a male and I get annoyed when I’m addressed as “man” or “dude.” Please help me. My sister would accept me, and my parents make it clear they care about me and don’t want anything to happen to me, but they aren’t super supportive of gay or trans rights. I don’t know what to do and I just don’t like how my life is turning out. Thanks guys, I know reddit is normally a supportive community so I hope I can get some help.

Clarification: I understand sexual orientation and gender identity are different and I need help for both.

What advice does he get?

tenyear1

Dysphoria can be everything from an annoyance to feeling suicidal, and transitioning is awesome!

tenyear2

“Hopefully getting diagnose [sic] with gender dysphoria”

If someone doesn’t agree with your self-diagnosis, shop around for another doctor!

tenyear3

Do you want to be a man or a woman, and mature into a lovely grandmother type person? These two alternatives are presented as equally realistic for a male human being.

tenyear4

Again the references to suicide with the “your life depends on this” line.

Again, there is no way of knowing whether this is an actual ten year old child, someone role-playing for unsavory reasons, or someone trolling. But if it really is a ten year old, these answers are pretty horrible. No one is asking him what he thinks “being accepted socially as a female” means or why he wants a female body. He’s seen mainly as just another potential transitioner.