“People aren’t thinking deeply enough about their sexuality” – more cotton ceiling from transactivists

This blog has previously covered the “cotton ceiling” – the idea that having  a preference for partners of a specific biological sex is bigoted and transphobic. The idea is particularly often used against lesbians. This piece on the website “Feministing” explains why women are wrong if they have a preference for only dating people with vaginas.

The author admits that some women do not want to date bepenised individuals because of traumatic experiences. Don’t worry though, your trauma isn’t reality-based! Sex also isn’t about bodies.

I get why a lot of female assigned folks exist in this frame for reasons that aren’t overtly about undermining trans identities.There’s a ton of gender based trauma out there, and I understand that folks associate this with cis men, and not with trans men. But that’s not a reality-based approach to gender. A lot of that trauma gets easily linked to genitals, but this isn’t about bodies, it’s about patriarchy.

The author then goes on to explain that it’s not okay to process trauma in  a way that excludes people with penises:

My trans brothers deserve better than sex in a frame that undermines their identities. This doesn’t mean queer cis women and gender non-conforming female assigned folks can’t fuck trans men, but then they owe it to these guys to reframe their sexuality in a way that’s not undermining – to recognize that they sleep with men, and to question why they’re OK with sleeping with trans men and not cis men. I just don’t think it’s OK to process your sexual trauma in a delegitimizing way through the bodies of folks who’ve often faced tons of trauma at the intersection of gender and sexuality.

The author then goes on to blame female people (trans men) for the fact that male people (trans “sisters”) are being “pushed out”, that it, excluded from some people’s dating preferences.

I do put a little more responsibility on trans men for letting this frame push their trans sisters out. This approach to sexuality totally erases trans women by excluding us from the group of sexually existing queer women.

Finally, the author concludes, people disagree with having their sexual preferences questions because they are “puritanical”.

There’s a lot of resistance to thinking about the politics of sexuality in this way, which I totally get. Our sexualities are our own, they’re personal, and in such a puritanical world any critique of sexuality can seem messed up. But our desires are absolutely influenced by our cultural context. When you really look at the way patterns of desire map onto what bodies are privileged and what bodies are marginalized, it becomes obvious that our desires are political. I am absolutely not about critiquing the way one person falls for another. The problem is with a community trend. When we leave sexuality trends unexamined, sex becomes a space where privilege and oppression run amuck.

Some people not wanting to fuck some other people = oppression.

And it’s not just one person saying this. Here is a blog post by someone explaining at length why it’s not okay to have sexual preferences when those preferences do not include penises:

-A person should never experience a total loss of attraction to another person after learning their genital status. That’s a clear, and inarguable sign of transphobia at play. Simply knowing a person’s genital status is no excuse for such a monumental loss of attraction to a person.

-Being solely attracted to genitals is transphobic. Requiring engagement with specific kinds of genitals is fetishistic.

So, basically, being homosexual or heterosexual is fetishisticIt is not allowed to prefer people of one particular sex when looking for a sexual partner, according to this (and many other) transactivists.

Here is another writer who talks at length about how it is not okay to prefer partners of one specific sex:

Then there is the other side of the coin: some cis women might have an issue or feel uncertain about hooking up with a woman who has different genitalia than her own. First of all, you should never feel pressured to do anything you don’t want to do or that you’re even unsure about. If you aren’t comfortable or you just aren’t into it, say no.

That having been said, if genitalia is the one and only reason for not being into someone, I do think it is worth thinking through that.

Are you a women who does not want to be sexually involved with penises? You should think about this. You’re not allowed to simply say no, according to the (male) author. You have to really think about why.

On reddit, a poster asks the question if it’s possible to respect trans people even if one doesn’t want to date them. Some replies:

you have to consider dating trans people
If you’re unwilling to date someone because they are trans, then yeah
excuses
if you are like that, you have a problem

If you are not interested in dating trans people, you have a problem you should overcome.

In this thread in a lesbian subreddit, a commenter weighs in:

superficial.PNG
Lesbians who prefer vulvas are superficial

In this discussion, another poster offers their opinion on “genital preferences”:

flimsy cover
A flimsy cover for not challenging transphobia

Having boundaries and simply saying “no” is now just a “flimsy cover for not challenging transphobia”.

“Do you feel uncomfortable with yourself in some way?”

Many young teens come to the realization that they are transgender through watching videos online, particularly on YouTube. There has been a dramatic increase in young people being referred for treatment because they are transgender. The increase is so large that many people, especially parents of young trans people, are beginning to ask the question if we are witnessing the phenomenon of social contagion.

Clinic sees 20-fold increase in referrals

Number of pediatric referrals quadruple

This graph comes from an article about the rise of gender identity related referrals in the UK:

download

Source: The Tavistock and Portman NHS Foundation Trust

Many parents of young people tell similar stories about kids who go on YouTube binges, and end up identifying as transgender, and then go on to wanting to transition medically. This is especially common for girls. So what are they being told in these YouTube videos? Let us have a look at one example:

Partial transcript:

[1:09]: Do you feel uncomfortable with yourself in some way? (…) There must be some sort of discomfort with yourself currently. Look inside yourself and think about the times where you may have felt discomfort from hearing your birth name, from being referred as though your assigned sex, or simply feeling discomfort on wearing the clothes off your back. Those are just general examples but really look inside yourself and think back  on to the past of situations that really should have been taken as no big deal but they were taken as such and you never really knew why.

[1:42]: Have you tried experimenting outside your assigned sex? Maybe if you have an inkling that you’re trans, but you don’t know where to go from here. Try experimenting by wearing things that are not typical of your assigned sex, you know like wear T-shirts if you’ve been used to wearing dresses or something like that. (…)

[3:43]: Have you seen or are familiar with other stories of transgender people? If (…) you’re still somewhat on the fence, ah, I would definitely check out some other people’s narratives or stories, and find if you’re, if there are some that are relatable to you. Find like you identify, or you’re finding like, similar struggles with other people who are going through somewhat the same, similar struggles as you. (…) They will definitely  be helpful to you, to help you figure out whether or not you are trans

There are three points about this video that should give you pause. One, viewers are urged to comb through their memories for any discomfort they recollect, and such memories are to be taken as signs of trans-ness. No other options are even acknowledged. Two, superficial preferences like clothing are taken as proof of trans-ness. Feeling comfortable in a T-shirt is a diagnostic sign. Three, the viewer is encouraged to delve into the stories of  people with “similar struggles” to find experiences that are similar to their own. The video goes on to mention the video blogs of other trans people. This means that the viewer is encouraged to seek only confirming evidence. What if there are stories by people who felt the same way but were not actually trans? Such people certainly exist, as seen here, here and here (just a few examples), but these stories never come up in the types of videos shown here.

These YouTubers are giving young people bad advice. They mean well, but the results have chilling consequences when young people go on to medically transition based on the type of advice presented here.

Is there such a thing as “autogynephilia”?

Is there such a thing as “autogynephilia”, that is, sexual arousal at the thought of being a woman? The transgender community online adamantly assures each other there is no such thing:

APG is a made up thing
“a made-up thing from Ray Blanchard”
APG is bullshit
“It is not AGP, because AGP does not exist”

Both screenshots above are from this thread, in which a poster wants to know why his therapist is asking questions about his desire to transition to a woman. Note how the second comment tells the original poster to ditch the therapist who is asking questions, and find someone who will go along with the desire to transition.

There is a great reluctance in the trans community towards the concept that some male people can feel arousal at the thought of themselves as being women. Considering that there are a plethora of different fetishes, people are aroused at pretty much anything from rubber boots to trees, it seems odd to claim that such a thing as autogynephilia does not even exist.

The assertions that AGP does not exist pop up in any discussion where someone is questioning whether they are actually transgender or are experiencing a sexual fetish, like this one.

apg dont exisst
“those things don’t actually exist”
punch ray b
“Has anyone punched Ray Blanchard lately?”

Denial that AGP exists, together with encouraging physical violence towards the researcher who described it, and implications that he should not be able to get work because his research is unpopular with transgender people.

It is curious also, that there are online communities of self-identified autogynephiles, who happily post away about their fetish and related fantasies, apparently oblivious to the fact that they do not exist (WARNING: links lead to sexually explicit websites).

Posters who identify themselves as transgender very often talk about the sexual component to their transgender identification. In this thread, the following is posted and then deleted:

stole swimsuit.PNG
“I stole the swimsuit and wore it for masturbatory purposes”

In another thread, one poster discusses pretending to be a woman when masturbating, then gradually escalating:

pretending to be a woman during masturbation
pretending to be a woman during masturbation

In yet another thread, the poster talks frankly about the sexual motivations for wanting to transition:

sex is the biggest factor.PNG
“sex is probably the biggest driving factor that makes me want to transition”

Yet other posters talk about how arousing it is to wear women’s underwear:

erect in underwear
“when I wear them I get semi-erect”

“I get very turned on with the thought of being a girl”, this poster writes, and is reassured that this is normal:

naked
“Picturing what I will look like really turns me on”

Does anyone else get really turned on checking themselves out in the mirror? asks yet another poster. Among the replies is someone who is aroused by stockings, and someone who masturbates to their own nudes:

stockings
“I just need stockings”
I jack it to my own nudes
“I jack it to my own nudes”

Another poster is worried about excessive masturbation:

masturbating all the time
“ever since puberty I’ve been obsessed with sissy hypno and forced fem”

With one exception, the comments are all about how taking hormones will decrease the poster’s libido. It is not brought up how this young person’s extreme porn consumption might have affected his sexuality and identity.

Finally, let us close this already long post with this post, wherein the poster describes arousal at being called a female name:

excited at name and pronouns.PNG
“I just get hard for some reason”

“I just get hard for some reason”. We will let those words stand for themselves, and the readers can make up their own minds regarding the existence of autogynephilia.

“We tried to make this kid be a boy”

In an article about a child who wants to be a boy, the parents talk about how the child “began taking on names commonly used for boys during playtime and displayed ‘male role modeling’.” They talk about how the child was happy when allowed to wear “boy clothes”. They talk about taking their child to a pediatrician and then to a psychologist.

Their pediatrician recommended visiting with a child psychologist who, after a three-hour evaluation, determined the child was gender variant. The psychologist explained it could be a phase or the child could later affirm a male identity — either way, she recommended that Ann support him by letting him play and dress as he wanted.

Then two years later:

When Ben turned 7, the child psychologist formally determined Ben was transgender.

This is eyebrow-raising (or should be), because according to research, most children who are “gender dysphoric” go on to become regular adults satisfied with their biological sex. From the WPATH  (World Professional Association for Transgender Health) guidelines: (note: link goes to a pdf file)

most cases of childhood gender dsyphoria do not persist into adulthood

and,

Gender variance in childhood is normal. Risks of a GI-Childhood diagnosis include: Stigmatizing children with a diagnostic label when there is no disorder; diagnosis can become iatrogenic, instilling a sense in the child that “there is something wrong with me”; and a poor predictive value – 80% of children diagnosed with GID do not continue to have GID of adolescence or adulthood.

4 out of 5 children who experience gender identity disorder do not persist. They grow up to become well-functioning adults. Often, they grow up to be gay or lesbian. Furthermore, as the WPATH document points out, giving children a diagnostic label can turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy.

What is even more worrying is that so often these diagnoses are given to children that have been heavily policed by their parents regarding how they are allowed to express themselves. This story of a conservatively religious parent is a good example:

For Shappley and her family, it all began with a hair bow.

“I want a bow like Daisy,” her then-three-year-old son Joseph Paul begged of her. Shappley knew the big red bow, ponytails and princess dresses were things almost every little girl wished for. However, these weren’t for a daughter — Shappley reminded herself these were the requests of her son.

So a child with a penis asks for a hair bow. Instead of just letting the child wear a hair bow and not making a huge deal out of it, the parents tell him he can’t have them because they are for girls. They make him do “boy stuff”:

His desire to dress in little girl’s clothes is a secret Shappley has kept from the outside world since Joseph was just a toddler. As an infant, she put him in blue clothes. As a toddler, she made him do what shes says is ‘typical boy stuff,’ like fishing, playing football with his siblings and throwing little boy’s birthday parties.

“We tried to make this kid be a boy,” said Shappley. Still, Joseph kept seeking out what the girls had and, by the age of three, he was telling everyone he was a girl.

Of course the kid is telling people he’s a girl! You’ve been telling him that the thing he wants, that his female peers have, are only for girls. Why wouldn’t he try to get access to the pretty bows by saying he’s a girl? Three year old children do typically not have a good understanding of what it means to be a boy or a girl, most commonly understanding the terms by using stereotypes.

Shappley sought out more help, turning to pastors and her faith. Her hope was that her young boy would act like one.

The mother is hoping her child will “act like a boy”. What do  boys act like? Why does this child have to act in a certain way?

“So Christians are not gay, OK, that’s the mindset that I had.”

Having a gay child would of course be difficult for a person belonging to a religion in which being gay is seen as wrong. And children who strongly identify with the opposite sex in childhood do often grow into homosexual adults. This mother will now have a straight daughter.

Parents and children like these are now wildly popular in the news, there’s hardly a week or even a day without a story like this, a documentary, a reality show. How easy will it be for these children to change their minds, as 4 out of 5 of them will, statistically? How easy is it to change your mind about being the opposite sex when your parents have campaigned for your right to use the opposite bathroom and changing room at school? When your parents have spent money to sue the school district? When your entire family makes money and is famous from your transness?

 

“Feeling pretty and delicate, that is clearly female behavioral traits, right?”

A recurring theme on this blog is the relationship between transgender identity and gender roles and stereotypes. We have seen over and over and over again that when trans people talk about how they experience being transgender, they rely heavily, if not exclusively, on gender stereotypes. From wanting to wear specific clothes as toddlers to wanting specific hair cuts as teens, to wanting specific fashion choices as an adult, all kids of superficial things are taken as evidence of some innate identity.

However, since most people agree that gender roles are not actually progressive or good, but actually restrictive and bad, there is also a rush to assure people that being transgender does not actually have anything to do with gender roles or stereotypes:

gender identity doesnt know about gender roles
“Gender identity doesn’t know about gender roles”

Except for when these same stereotypes and roles are used as a direct reason for transitioning:

feeling pretty and delicate
“Feeling pretty and delicate”

But when someone explicitly asks about the connection between stereotypes and transitioning, they are quickly told that the two are never connected:

nothing to do with feminine or masculine
“Nobody transitions so that they can dress a certain way”

So nobody transitions so that they can dress a certain way, except this person, who wants to wear short shorts and knee-high boots, but cannot because they are for girls:

i wanna wear knee high boots
“I wanna wear knee high boots so bad”

Or this person, who wishes to “rock this or that outfit”.

I wish i could rock that outfit
“I wish I too could try to rock this or that outfit”

Or this person, who upon transitioning from male to female looks forward to never having to wear a tie again:

never having to wear a tie
“I am looking forward to never having to wear a tie again”

Or this person, who is looking forward to buying clothes from any store:

buying clothes in any store
“being able to buy clothes in pretty much any store”

Funny how many examples there are of this thing that supposedly doesn’t happen, isn’t it?

“Have you ever identified more with female characters than male ones?”

It’s time for yet another post full of examples of how trans people online use stereotypes as the basis of deciding to be trans. It’s interesting to see that even though proponents of gender identity publicly stress that gender identity has nothing to do with gender stereotypes, when trans people talk among themselves online, their narratives are usually absolutely steeped with the most egregious stereotypes. There is a huge mismatch between the official gender identity doctrine and what trans people tell themselves about their gender identities. Let’s have a look.

First, a person who, upon transitioning to female, finds themselves fitting “nice and snug in a submissive role”.

submissive
“nice and snug in a submissive role”

Then there is this post, entitled What moments make you look back and think ‘How the hell didn’t I realise I’m trans?,  (archive link) which starts out like this:

princess.PNG
loving the princess role

Enjoying to play a female role must mean you’re transgender, boys can’t just like playing female characters!

hating stereotypes
hating gender stereotypes

If you hate stereotypes, you’re trans. Regular ol’ guys can’t hate stereotypes! They can’t enjoy playing with female relatives either.

theater.PNG
loving theater

Loving theater must mean you’re actually a girl.

girl music
“A girl’ collection”

Likewise, certain types of music is only allowed for girls to like.

Then there is a post entitled If I think about being a girl am I transgender? (archive link), in which a poster wants to know if thinking about being a girl means one is a girl. One commenter helpfully posts a list of “signs” of being trans:

feminist.PNG
“were you a really big feminist?”

Signs of transness includes a desire to wear women’s clothing and being a feminist.

What does being a man mean to you? What do you like about being a man? asks a poster in r/ftm (archive link)

act like a woman
“the outside matches the inside”

Note first that this commenter doesn’t want to “act like a woman”. it is not explained what acting what a woman is, but it implies that there is some way that women acts, and that in order to avoid acting this way, you need to become a man. Choosing to not act this way is apparently not an option.

Finally, pay attention to the statement in this screenshot that the outside should “match” the inside. So there are apparently certain “insides” (personalities, presumably), that only match certain bodies. This is not a particularly progressive idea; the thought that only men or only women can have certain personality types is usually regarded as old-fashioned and regressive. But when trans people say it, nobody dares disagree apparently.

“I hide my meds in my saxophone case” – self medding advice to minors

On reddit, a website where kids as young as 13 are allowed, and many are even younger, anonymous people, often adults, give minors tips on how to obtain prescription-only medication illegally, and hide it from their parents.

In this post, a 15 year old asks for advice, saying that “I have came out to my mom and she does not support me and thinks I should just stay how I was born.”

estrogen is cheap
“estradiol is pretty cheap”

“Estradiol is pretty cheap,” chimes in a 44 year old adult, and provides a link to various online pharmacies where this medication can be bought. Estradiol is a medication that can increase your risk of blood clots, stroke, or heart attack, especially if you have diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol or triglycerides, if you smoke, or if you are overweight. It is also recommended to get blood tests and physical check-ups while taking this medication, none of which a 15 year old would necessarily have access to.

In this post, reddit users are giving tips to minors on how to hide from their parents that they are taking DIY hormones (“do it yourself”, meaning without a prescription) (archived post)

DIY tips
tips for minors who wish to take prescription medications behind their parents’ backs

The advice comes complete with dosage advice.

In this post, a 16 year old is uncertain about starting hormones:

I am 16 and not getting any younger. I would rather get hormones sooner than later if I’m going to get them at all, and I don’t feel equipped to make that decision at 16. However, I am worried that I won’t be able to make the decision until post-puberty, which would be disadvantageous.

What is the way out of this dilemma?

One of the replies is this:

why not

“Why would you not be equipped to make that decision at 16?” this poster asks, and continues:

you wont regret it
“It’s almost completely certain you won’t regret it”

Another poster chimes in:

youll pass worse
“you’ll pass worse”

Finally, the poster is convinced:

getting aas
“I’m going to go bother some people about AAs”

The commenters have successfully convinced this young teen to get anti-androgens. The most common one is spirolactone, which can have side effects like  uneven heart rate, severe skin reactions, numbness, muscle weakness, vomiting, shallow breathing and confusion.